back in my day

kids these days cant party for shit. always with the popping pills just to keep things interesting. uppers, downers, laughers, screamers...

harden the fuck up you little pansies. back in my day, all you needed was a steady supply of beers and the rage would never end. but now, as soon as your buzz shows the early signs of fading, "ooh, better top up with some chemicals so we can wave our glow sticks around like fuckin idiots to this peppy computer music".

speak of which, whats up with all this crappy techno shit? oonce - oonce - oonce - oonce. sounds like someone using a hammer to rhythmically cave-in the side of my skull.
what they need to do is take all that manufactured noise and all those pills and give them to ambulance drivers and fire fighters. if theres anybody you wanna see flying around the scene eyes popping out of theirs, its the motherfuckers that are there to save your life. who are most likely there because you drunk too much in the first place. cant win.

life lesson

so i got jumped by some fried bogan on saturday night. but i only walked away with a mouthful of blood, top lip the size of a monster truck tyre and an empty wallet (from all the drinking i did afterwards). so all in all, pretty good, considering i copped the cleanest sucker punch since burger king made this ad.

however, this sucks donkey balls for three reasons.

1) i was meant to get a passport this week, and im not really keen to get my picture taken looking like a mix between jay z and mick jagger.

2) being unemployed and broke as a joke, i was gonna get my ricky gervais on and become a tv and movie extra (the way i see it - if im doing fuck all, i might as well be getting paid for it). but this i think this incident took me from 'screen ugly' to 'plain old ugly', rendering me pretty much un-broadcastable. viva la home brand lifestyle.

and finally,

3) no chick, regardless of how much she wants to 'get back' at her daddy, wants to do anything worth writing home about with freddy fuckin kruger. and to think, some poor dame was actually keen, too.

so moral of the story kids - get the first punch in. or at least, learn to get the fuck outta dodge before a fist populates your-face-ville. otherwise, youll end up with no ID, no job, no playmate and no hope or respect*.

*bullshit for emphasis

drinking game - mexi

you need:
2 dice
clear table
4+ players

rolls:
1 & 2 = mexi
1 & 3 = scumbag
1 & 1 = snake eyes
5 & 5
4 & 4
3 & 3 etc = doubles

mexi - for every mexi rolled, the loser of that round must consume half a vessel
scumbag - drink and roll again
snake eyes - everybody drinks
doubles - doubles beats any roll apart those already mentioned

-for any other roll, you take the higher of the dices numbers followed by the lowest to get a 2-digit score.
for example, 4 & 6 = 64, 3 & 2 = 32
-if the starting player only rolls once, all other players may only roll once. if they roll twice, everyone else may also do so.
-the lowest score at the end of every round must drink.
-if you accept the dice from anyone passing the dice by hand, you must drink.
-if you roll either or both of the dice off the table, you are losing that round.
-if two players have the same losing score, they roll off with one dice each.
-ALL tie breakers are double or nothing.