more common sayings that are retarded

a while back, i listed a few common sayings that are retarded. and as it turns out, that was only the tip of the iceberg...


"it is what it is"well, no shit, sherlock.
this saying adds absolutely fuck-all to a conversation. i dont know if it even counts as a saying, because it doesnt actually say anything. it says nothing. its like telling everyone what the time is when nobody asked for it. thanks for nothing, captain obivous. itll be your turn to talk again when someone asks what colour the sky is. until then, go put your powers of observation to rest and shut the fuck up.


"a million people cant be wrong"
ha, want a bet?
i bet you could find a HUNDRED million people that believe humans only use 10% of our brains. which is actually wrong.
'cause the thing is, people are actually much dumber than they give themselves credit for. if you ask 100 people how intelligent they are, over 60 of them will say 'average' or 'above average'. this is not fucking possible - 60% of people cannot be average.
so if a dude says "a million people cant be wrong!", just laugh, 'cause they can, and hes obviously one of them.


"anything is possible"
oh reeeally? thats a fact, is it? well, if anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?
what, got no answer? yeah, thought as much. so how does it feel to have your mind raped?


"laughter is the best medicine"

no it fuckin isnt. medicine is the best medicine. thats why they call it medicine. otherwise we wouldnt even have anything called medicine. sick people would just be prescribed a few hundred milligrams of giggles, and sent on their way.
if laughter is the best medicine, bust out some of your best one-liners for an epileptic and see how far that gets you. just remember that its probably not good news if theyre on the ground in fits.


"you just need to believe in yourself"the only time you should need to believe in yourself is if youre a god ...thats an atheist. because otherwise, youd probably stop existing.
but, seeing as youre not an atheist god, "believing in yourself" isnt gonna achieve shit. except give you an undeserved sense of self importance. i mean, kelly osbourne presumably believed in herself at some point, and look what happened there.


"youll understand when youre older"

when i was a kid, i always said i never wanted kids myself. to which any adult within earshot would say something to the effect of "youll understand when youre older".
and now that im older? fuck that shit - i still dont want kids. why the hell would i want kids? theyre all just really stupid little people who steal your life, like an evil breed of soul snatching leprechauns or something. the only kids i want in my life are the ones that make my sneakers in sweatshops, at least theyre putting themselves to use. all these other free-loading little bastards are just loudly crying everywhere and covering your fridge with their shitty "artwork".
"youll understand when youre older" is such a crock of shit. the only thing ive come to understand since growing older is something i suspected when i was a kid anyway - that most of the adults i knew were fuckin idiots. no wonder they wanted kids, they just wanted other people around that were on their level.

how to get a dope tat

theres so much wack shit out there these days, so heres my personal guide on how not to fail when getting ink done.

1. figure out what you want im into comic books and ninjas, so i decided to go with my favourite comic book ninja - deadpool. heres a few pictures of the "merc with a mouth" for anybody who isn't familiar with the character:

putting two and two together

so i was watching the 6pm news the other night, just about to eat my dinner, and right before i took the first bite of my chicken, an ad for starving children comes on TV. all sad and hungry and malnourished and, frankly, off-putting. those cunning bastards play those ads at that exact time to make us feel guilty about having nice food in front of us. and it fuckin works.

i thought to myself 'well... that sucks', but before i could even begin to feel sorry for those poor children, an ad for the new double from KFC comes on. two slices of cheese and bacon sandwiched between two tasty fresh 100% breast fillets.

ah, heres an idea - instead of selling your fried heart-attack-sandwich to us fat westerners, just give them to people who actually need them, quit both of your advertising campaigns and let me watch the goddamn sports highlights in peace.


i already know the world is filled with all sorts of horrors and injustices, just like how i already know about the existence of menstrual cycles, pedofiles and animal testing. but i dont need to be shown any of it when im tryna eat my hard earned dinner. have some class, you cheapshot cocksuckers.

and while im on the topic of fast food making us fat - the real problem in our society seems to be a culture of excess consumption. not only is the "obesity epidemic" visible at every turn of head, but now wasting energy and resources is a serious issue too. you cant watch TV for five minutes without seeing some douchebag celebrity preach about global warming and carbon footprints (when half of those same cunts catch a private jet to do an eco-charity concert).

so heres my solution: turn off all the escalators in the entire world. itll save a shit load of electricity, and all the fat fucks in shopping malls will have to walk up a flight of stairs to get to the food court. energy consumption will fall, blood cholesterol will fall, and a few tubby kids will probably fall down the stairs too. everybody wins.