the technological revolution has afforded us with many conveniences. accelerated communication, higher quality media, and generally a wider range of accessible porn, all being prime examples of this.
but like when you first get pay tv, all this additional coverage of what the world has to offer brings on one stark realisation: people are freakin morons. frustrating, annoying morons.
the internet is serious business, and if you dont have anything awesome, funny, or awesomely funny to share with the rest of us, shut the fuck up. seriously.
your crappy day to day life really isn't that interesting. in fact, its infuriatingly mundane.
nobody cares that you're having chicken for dinner and that it promises to be "yum :)". i hope you get salmonella food poisoning, bitch. oh wow, you saw a new movie and think its really good? yeah, well, i think stabbing you in the face would be really good. and despite the apparently popular rumours circling, the fact that youre having a bad day doesnt affect me in the slightest. i am indifferent to your suffering, lame-oid, and so is everyone else who has the misfortune of seeing any of your thousand-per-day facebook status updates.
a 'cell phones and laptops being confiscated' or 'fingers being broken' policy needs to start immediately (whatevers easier, 'sall tomayto tomarto to me) on the grounds of gross misuse. because you people actually make me wanna poke my own eyeballs out with a soldering iron just so i dont bare witness to any more pure stupidity.
if you are connected to me via any network at all and post this type of verbal diarrhoea, ever, i will cut ties with you. i dont care who you are - friend, family or business. ignorance of your existence will vastly improve my life experience, and i will act accordingly. so if you suddenly find out that we're not "friends" anymore, then congraulations, youre an idiot.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
lets get this straight
this one is for all you girl power feminist chicks out there who constantly ask nag the question "how come if a guy sleeps with lots of chicks, he's 'the man', but if a chick sleeps with lots of guys she's a 'slut'?"
you wanna know why? ok, ill tell you why. lemme paint you a little picture. imagine you have one key that can open many different locks, of all types. you'd generally consider that a master key, right? now compare that with a lock that can be opened by just about any key. that lock would be of little (if any) value.
ya see what im sayin here?
because, believe it or not, males don't decide when we can bump uglies or not. females do. yes, that's right - chicks dictate sex. because if WE did, post pubescent life would just be one long fuck-fest, followed by death. shit, virtually everything men do is an effort to impress the ladies. what, you thought we build houses, race cars and wrestle alligators because we like to? hells-to-the-no. sall about the pussy.
if dudes got to decide when sex occured, nothing would ever get done. NOTHING. no doctors to work on a cure for breast cancer. no movie directors to keep making those shitty romantic comedies you lot seem to be so fond of. no dog breeders pumping out puppies for you to call adorable. none of that shit. men everywhere would throw caution to the wind in pursuit of their next root and so your weekly schedule would contain seven straight days of getting boned. electricity and communications would just stop working, the stock market would crash, planes would fall out of the sky, and lots of other disaster movie cliches would happen because over half the worlds workforce would have their pants around their ankles (and rest would have their skirts pulled up and be bent over a table or chair of kind). men wouldnt give a crap about their jobs if they could just constantly stick it to the closest hot sheila. which is totally understandable, because when it comes to the dilemma of 'work a shit job for some asshole i want to kill' or 'tap that hot piece of ass over there', one option generally wins by a country mile.
so the way i see it, you bitches got two choices:
A) quit complaining about this tired bullshit and simply stop being such fuckin slappers
or
B) accept the guilt of knowing that you are solely responsible for societys collapse and the subsequent decline of humanity.
its your call.
you wanna know why? ok, ill tell you why. lemme paint you a little picture. imagine you have one key that can open many different locks, of all types. you'd generally consider that a master key, right? now compare that with a lock that can be opened by just about any key. that lock would be of little (if any) value.
ya see what im sayin here?
because, believe it or not, males don't decide when we can bump uglies or not. females do. yes, that's right - chicks dictate sex. because if WE did, post pubescent life would just be one long fuck-fest, followed by death. shit, virtually everything men do is an effort to impress the ladies. what, you thought we build houses, race cars and wrestle alligators because we like to? hells-to-the-no. sall about the pussy.
if dudes got to decide when sex occured, nothing would ever get done. NOTHING. no doctors to work on a cure for breast cancer. no movie directors to keep making those shitty romantic comedies you lot seem to be so fond of. no dog breeders pumping out puppies for you to call adorable. none of that shit. men everywhere would throw caution to the wind in pursuit of their next root and so your weekly schedule would contain seven straight days of getting boned. electricity and communications would just stop working, the stock market would crash, planes would fall out of the sky, and lots of other disaster movie cliches would happen because over half the worlds workforce would have their pants around their ankles (and rest would have their skirts pulled up and be bent over a table or chair of kind). men wouldnt give a crap about their jobs if they could just constantly stick it to the closest hot sheila. which is totally understandable, because when it comes to the dilemma of 'work a shit job for some asshole i want to kill' or 'tap that hot piece of ass over there', one option generally wins by a country mile.
so the way i see it, you bitches got two choices:
A) quit complaining about this tired bullshit and simply stop being such fuckin slappers
or
B) accept the guilt of knowing that you are solely responsible for societys collapse and the subsequent decline of humanity.
its your call.
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