Thursday, March 31, 2011

the world is not gonna end in 2012, you idiots

with all the fucked up natural diasters and shit the planet has been pulling lately, people are scared. shit-scared. so scared they say the world is gonna end. next year. and theres nothing we can do about it. its according to the ancient mayans. 2012. thats when its all gonna end. thats when the whole show is over. think about it - the US suffered a major loss on 09/11/01, the japanese suffered a major loss on 03/10/11. add those dates together and you get 12/21/12. the date of the apocalypse. armageddon. judgement day. the end.

the only thing wrong with this is that its complete bullshit.

firstly, im gonna point out the obvious - you cant add dates together. thats just fuckin retarded. adding random numbers together doesnt mean shit. you can add all the digits in your phone number together but that wont give you your phone bill. same deal here. the only significant figure here is the amount of time you wasted adding the numbers. which, if above zero, is already way too high.

second, the ancient mayans never actually said the world was gonna end. in reality, they made a circle calendar that runs out after about 5000 years, and they started it ...about 5000 years ago. which means its due pretty soon. and when it finally runs out in 2012, the next cycle begins, and thats it. seriously. theres no doomsday prophecy or anything like that. its basically just the biggest mayan new years party ever.

and those crazy bastids knew how to rock

others say nostradamus also predicted the world to end in 2012. which could be true. but then again, he predicted the world to end in 1998 and 2000 as well. which make them seem less like 'prophecies' and more like 'wild stabs in the dark'. because, y'know, if you make enough guesses at anything, eventually youll be right. even a broken clock is right two times a day. (unless the clock is stopped at 4:20. then its right all day. but thats a different story.)

and finally, my personal favourite prediction of the apocalypse, the book of revelations. christian doomsayers the world over have claimed that the apocalyptic scenes from the final book of the bible will come to fruition in 2012. despite the fact that modern scholars say that the book of revelations was actually written about the fall of the roman empire. which, according to my watch, already happened a thousand years ago. thats not a doomsday prediction, thats millenium old political commentary.

so what is causing all these natural disasters? common sense says that either A) this is what the earth just naturally does, B) this is what global warming does, or C) a combination of both. personally, im inclined to go with the latter, but ill accept any of the three as correct answers. numerology, ancient mayans, nostradamus, and the book of revelations will not only get you an incorrect answer, but will actually result in marks being taken off you. yeah, you read that right - marks taken off you. thats just how we roll in the Nappyface school of hard knocks.

class of 2011 dux

but due to a little thing in psychology called confirmation bias -where people will continue to believe something even after its been proven wrong- i know there are people out there who will still believe the world is gonna end in 2012. so i intend to cash in on it: i will bet anyone $100 that the world will not end in 2012. im not even joking. if you got the balls to put your money where your mouth is, be my guest.

(now i know what youre thinking - if the world does end next year, we'll all be dead and i wont have to pay shit. but even if that is the case, youll only be betting cash youll never need anyway. so why not?)

if youre up to it, leave a comment here, on the facebook page, my twitter feed or even by email. or, if you know me IRL, txt me, call me or even hit me wit a good old fashioned handshake in meatspace.

ill accept $100 AUS in cash on january 1st, 2013, but i might also accept a bank deposit under special circumstances.

otherwise, if you still think the world will end but dont wanna take my bet; shut the fuck up.

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