Friday, April 29, 2011

putting two and two together

so i was watching the 6pm news the other night, just about to eat my dinner, and right before i took the first bite of my chicken, an ad for starving children comes on TV. all sad and hungry and malnourished and, frankly, off-putting. those cunning bastards play those ads at that exact time to make us feel guilty about having nice food in front of us. and it fuckin works.

i thought to myself 'well... that sucks', but before i could even begin to feel sorry for those poor children, an ad for the new double from KFC comes on. two slices of cheese and bacon sandwiched between two tasty fresh 100% breast fillets.

ah, heres an idea - instead of selling your fried heart-attack-sandwich to us fat westerners, just give them to people who actually need them, quit both of your advertising campaigns and let me watch the goddamn sports highlights in peace.

i already know the world is filled with all sorts of horrors and injustices, just like how i already know about the existence of menstrual cycles, pedofiles and animal testing. but i dont need to be shown any of it when im tryna eat my hard earned dinner. have some class, you cheapshot cocksuckers.

and while im on the topic of fast food making us fat - the real problem in our society seems to be a culture of excess consumption. not only is the "obesity epidemic" visible at every turn of head, but now wasting energy and resources is a serious issue too. you cant watch TV for five minutes without seeing some douchebag celebrity preach about global warming and carbon footprints (when half of those same cunts catch a private jet to do an eco-charity concert).

so heres my solution: turn off all the escalators in the entire world. itll save a shit load of electricity, and all the fat fucks in shopping malls will have to walk up a flight of stairs to get to the food court. energy consumption will fall, blood cholesterol will fall, and a few tubby kids will probably fall down the stairs too. everybody wins.

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