Monday, September 6, 2010

searching for a job sucks balls

in case you didnt know, i was made recently made redundant at my place of emplyoment. apparently, prepared foods australia some nameless company doesnt have room in the budget for the walking personification of awesome. whatever, your loss, dickwads.

in any case, this leaves me without regular steady income, meaning i have to exaggerate my credentials, job exeperience and general life achievements in the hopes of ever getting back on the train. and even though lying to people is something that i am not only fuckin bitchin at --its something i actually enjoy-- being forced to do it just takes all the fun out of it. even the easiest of cockhungry sluts can still be raped. (metaphorically speaking, that is - no homo).

so just in case you were wondering, here are the top 4 reasons why searching for a job sucks balls:

1) what youre actually good at is never what you have qualifications /experience in. as previously mentioned, im pretty ace at tellin bullshit. but without a degree in law or four years working for a PR firm under my belt, being an excellent liar just comes across as, i dunno, "untrustworthy" or something. fuck knows why.

2) you work just as hard as actually having a job, but you dont get shit for it.
theres a reason why get-rich-quick-schemes are more popular than charity work and why people dont get paid in 'love', and thats because working sucks. filling out application forms and ringing up potential workplaces is a full time job in itself, and not being paid for all the hard work you have to do feels like the world drawing on your face when youre already covered in vomit and too drunk to move. way to kick a man while hes down, capatalism.

3) the silent moment of pity you get when someone hears that youre unemployed.
fuck you. having a weekly paycheck doesnt make you better than me. if anything, not being a white collar slave gives me more freedom, not only from financial dependence but also relatively more ease to simply drop off the grid at a moments notice. so there. (PS, can i borrow $20? you know im good for it...)

4) having money followed by suddenly having no money is like drowning. in poverty.
actually, its more like breaking your hand - being able to do everyday shit just goes unnoticed, until, y'know, you cant do shit anymore. 'cause when youre used to drinking caviar champagne, snorting pure columbian coke off supermodels asses and lighting cigars with burning $100 bills... going back to cask wine, stolen ritalin and cigarettes rolled from butts just doesnt cut it anymore. welcome to perpetual disappointment.

so there you have it. a few reasons good enough for you to pay me for improving your life by merely existing.

and yes, i accept whiskey as payment.

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